Defiance (Rise of the Iliri Book 3) Page 4

  "No, he's iliri. He was raised as iliri." Sal sighed. "In some ways, he's more iliri than I am. Where we come from, there aren't many like me left."

  Again, the pair looked at each other.

  I think I finally understand what ya've felt all yer life, kitten, Jase sent to her.

  Sal reached down to run her fingers through his hair, realizing how long the stubble had grown. I don't mind your blue eyes, killer.

  "She mate wi' hooman," the female declared, lifting her lips at the male until he dropped his gaze. Only then did she turn to Sal. I am Aroora. This is my mate, Hwa.

  I'm Sal, and this is Jase or Cyno.

  Laetus, Kaisae. That was the formal greeting to the dominant female of a family. My mate and I would like to join your pack.

  They both dropped their heads to the snow, their eyes downcast and their tails tucked close to their haunches.

  I do not know the proper ceremony, Sal told them, but I'm not the leader of my pack. Please... She begged them to be at ease around her, feeling uncomfortable with their posture.

  If you are not kaisae, who should we ask? the male wanted to know. The pair sat up slowly, resting on their haunches, him with his hands in his lap and the female holding hers to her chest.

  Jase replied, Sal is kaisae, but our pack is led by a male. We're just a portion of the pack, here ta find a way ta save our people. Once we return home, Sal will submit ta our leader, but she's the only female in our pack.

  She could feel the grauori's shock at that statement. Our ways are different than yours, she explained. Strength and intelligence matter more than gender, and all are considered equal with us.

  With all iliri? Aroora asked.

  No, sadly. Many try to emulate humans. The Black Blades are unique.

  As kaisae-for-now, may we join you? Aroora begged. When you return to this home, we can petition your...leader.

  Why? Jase wanted to know.

  She ducked her head. We have mated. I am not considered worthy of one such as Hwa, but he accepted me regardless. If our pack were to learn of this... she finished the thought with a feeling of dread.

  Sal lowered herself to the snow, kneeling before the large creatures. Each was nearly her size yet, oddly, she didn't feel threatened by them. They moved like people in some ways – sitting up easily on their hind legs – yet didn't in others. Their legs served as both feet and hands, and the grauori gestured with them when they spoke. They were clearly people – just strangely shaped ones.

  I don't understand this, she told the pair. Why does your mate matter?

  It's because she is rafrezzi, Hwa answered, but I do not care about her color. Look how strong her mind is, she has a gift like a nacione!

  Rafrezzi? Jase asked.

  Aroora nodded then looked at Sal but addressed Jase. She is nacione, you are aufrio, she glanced at Jase, I am rafrezzi.

  And that matters? Sal asked, confused.

  The nacione get the strongest gifts, Hwa explained. Aufrio are often as strong, but the rafrezzi? They do not. We're taught to breed for strong gifts, and rafrezzi should be little more than companions, not true mates.

  Beside her, Jase glanced over, raising one eyebrow.

  Sal didn't need to hear what he was thinking. Aroora, Hwa, I couldn't care less about what color you are, she assured them. And among us, being a linker is one of the strongest gifts you can have. Our healer in the Black Blades is rafrezzi. Maybe both of them.

  Jase added, Our leader is half human, but he's also rafrezzi.

  He is? Sal asked.

  Jase smirked at her. Chestnut hair, green eyes?

  Yeah, I'd never thought about it.

  Both grauori's eyes widened at that. Please, Hwa begged them, Please let us join your pack!

  Sal lifted a hand, begging them to slow down. Won't someone be looking for you two? Won't anyone care that you've just left your pack?

  No. Hwa's thought was heavy with resentment. She is just rafrezzi and I am just a male. They have so many breeders many of us are ignored, or worse, encouraged to seek another pack where we are not so closely related.

  Aroora's muzzle bobbed slightly. They already said he should find a proper mate to the west. The females here say he stinks like a brother.

  Sal knew too well what it felt like to be unwanted. That's what made her decision. I can promise nothing, but you're welcome to come with us. I want to warn you, though, we're going to be traveling among humans soon.

  Hwa smiled at her – that was the only way to explain the look on his face – and shifted. Before her eyes, he became little more than a true wolf, his nose elongating, his ears lengthening, and his hands turning to paws as his coloration became more extensive.

  "A man after my own talents!" she exclaimed, before switching back to her mind. Ok, if you two think that being around humans won't be a problem, you're welcome to come with us.

  In their excitement, they jumped on her, their short hands clasping her tightly, pulling her close. Sal felt like she was being hugged by children while being mauled by the stable's hounds. But she hugged them back, the excitement contagious across the link. Beside her, Jase smiled, a warm light in his eyes that she hadn't seen in a long time.

  One condition, he added, his voice in their heads calming the grauori enough for them to release their new pack leader. When they looked up sheepishly, he smiled. Tell us 'bout yer people? Our history is so broken, we did na even know ya existed. I have so many questions ta ask.

  Gladly, Hwa promised. If we can do the same?

  I think we have a lot ta share, Jase assured them.

  Chapter 5

  The horses took to the grauori easily. It took longer to get their new companions to accept the mounts. The idea of riding another creature was foreign to them. The grauori had seen humans on horses, but could not comprehend why. At first, they thought the animals were just a moving food source, but over time they began to understand.

  So, iliri don't move as fast as grauori? Hwa asked Sal one day as they traveled.

  In some ways, but not in others. What do you mean?

  Well, you sit on those things, and you travel like that. Why don't you just eat them and run where you're going? Hwa's interest was honest.

  Sal tried to explain. Because we have things. I don't have claws like you, so I have knives. I don't have fur like you, so I have clothes. All of this needs to be carried and my horse is happy to do it. To thank her, I give her food and protection. She works with me to let me be stronger, run faster, and to hit things harder.

  Ah, so a partnership, then. But she is just a beast. How can you know this?

  I don't, not really, Sal said. But her expressions show she's happy, and she comes to me even when she could run.

  Aroora joined the questions. So she is like a pet?

  Sal laughed at that. Yeah, I guess so. Although we tend to have two types of pets. Livestock, like the horses and other animals that work for us, and those that are just friends, like cats and dogs.

  Na true, Sal, Jase added. Cats kill rodents and dogs help us hunt.

  Huh, I guess so. Sal realized that she'd always just accepted this, but the grauori's innocent questions made her look at things so differently.

  That night, when they stopped to camp, she saw Hwa inspecting the horses. He crept cautiously to Raven then reached out to sniff her nose. When the mare flicked her ears forward and sniffed back, his face split into a grin. He stood up, reaching a hand up to the horse's neck. Raven leaned into the attention. Standing beside the horse like a human, Hwa began to scratch her vigorously, his expression rapt.

  Sitting by the fire, Aroora looked up at Sal. He is so curious. You don't mind, do you?

  No, I think it's cute, Sal told the female.

  Me too, the little bitch answered, smiling as she watched her mate.

  Their affection for each other was almost tangible. It's what Sal missed the most being in this country without the rest of her pack. She looked around for Jase, wondering if t
heir talk had made things better between them. Since the grauori had joined them, she hadn't gotten a chance to ask – and he certainly wasn't about to offer.

  Aroora caught her glance. Is your Jase upset with you?

  I don't know, Roo. I think he's been confused.

  I like the name, Kaisae, Aroora said, meaning the shortened version. I will tell Hwa to call me Roo, I think. She whuffed, the grauori version of a chuckle, and continued. But I didn't mean to change the subject. Why is your Jase confused?

  It's ok, she thought. It's just that things have been strained, being without a pack for so long. I guess I made him feel like I don't want him anymore, or something. But that's not it.

  Then what is? What do you want, Kaisae? Roo asked gently.

  I don't know, Sal admitted. Peace? A place where humans won't try to kill us? Time to figure out who I am without always worrying about whether I'm ignoring one of my lovers for the other. To have Jase trust me like he used to?

  Do you think he is upset because he is the only man here but you still call him dernor?

  Sal hadn't thought about that. For the next few months, at least, he'd be her only lover. Blaec was kilometers away in the Conglomerate. By calling Jase her second man, she was effectively saying that he'd never be as important to her as Blaec. But Blaec was the first man she'd ever loved. Could she just replace him so easily? Was that fair to him? Was not doing it fair to Jase? She just wished that relationships were as simple as swordsmanship, but there wasn't always a counter to every problem in her love life.

  You're probably right, Roo, but what do I do about it?

  Make Jase your first mate for now, Roo said as if the answer was obvious. Figure out which shall be first later, when you are not kaisae and have time to think. Calling him ahnor will prove that you still want him and take away his fears. This one is strong, he is fast, and he is intelligent. He submits too often, but you can train him.

  I keep trying to tell him that, Sal said, but he thinks he's being respectful.

  Roo sighed. Yeah, sometimes males can't tell the difference between respectful, romantic, and sexy.

  Sal's roar of laughter made Hwa turn to check on them. Roo made a gesture, letting him know it was just a private joke, so he returned to his inspection of the horses. Behind them, Jase paused with an armload of wood.

  "Why do I feel like the butt a the joke?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.

  We were just talking bout mates, Roo said, but Sal spoke at the same time.

  "Should you be?"

  He looked from one set of white eyes to the other. "Ya know, I'm na so sure I'm gonna like having more than one female around." His eyes met Sal's for a moment, warmly, before lowering respectfully. When he turned to add the wood to their small fire, a smile played across his mouth.

  "Roo," Sal said, turning back to her friend, can I ask you something?

  Yes, Kaisae.

  No, not as Kaisae, but as an iliri who doesn't know much. Roo nodded, encouraging her to go on. Do grauori get the bloodlust?

  Blood Lust? Roo asked.

  Yeah. We do – Jase and I – but not all the Black Blades do. It's just us. When we kill something, it's... She paused looking for the right words.

  You kill, then you mate?

  Yeah, but it's not like normal mating. Not like when we mate for fun. It's different.

  Roo's tongue lolled from her mouth, showing her teeth. Sal thought it was supposed to be a smile. The Maast? I've heard you both say the word. Do you not know what it is?

  I know what it is. I don't know how common it is. I don't know if it's a good thing or just accepted, or if it's shameful, Sal tried to explain.

  All grauori get maast. It just is. The stories say it is ayati's way of keeping us alive. Either we eat or we have pups. Either way, the grauori will not die out so long as we embrace it. For grauori, maast is not mating; it is simply celebrating life once we have taken it. Mating is what we chose to do; maast is what we need to do. These things are not the same.

  Sal nodded. For iliri, maast is rare. It's as rare as pure iliri, I think. The word is used to curse now, rather than to describe anything. That's how you've heard it used.

  I'm glad that was in your mind because this cursing is new to me. Roo glanced down – obviously thinking – then asked, If you get maast, do not take my Hwa? I do not want to share him, Kaisae.

  Sal reached over and patted her friend's shoulder. Iliri and grauori are too different, Roo. I can see that Hwa is a good male for you, but I cannot see him as an attractive male for me. I'm sure you feel the same about Jase?

  Roo smiled. Yes, but, I do not know many iliri. You seem so strange to me, so nearly human.

  And you seem so feral to me, so not human. Yet somehow I can tell that we share something.

  Roo's eyes flicked up to the top of Sal's head. It's like I can almost see what Jase should be doing with his ears, or how you would show your tongue – if you both were just a bit more grauori. But instead, you seem so human, and I find myself intimidated by that. Sometimes even afraid you will turn on me. I try not to, Kaisae. I think with time I will get used to your strange looks.

  I'm already getting used to yours. I am glad you found us, Roo. I'm sure Blaec will let you stay with us if you both decide that's what you want.

  I think it is, Sal, Roo said, trying her Kaisae's name for the first time. I like having a friend that does not treat me as lesser. I like being able to show my feelings for Hwa in public. I think I want to be like your Black Blades, not like the grauori. Hwa and I always thought there had to be a better way. I'm sorry my dam got shot, but I'm glad it happened too and brought you there. Seeing a myth before me was enough to give me the strength to finally leave.

  Worau is your mother? Sal asked.

  No, she is my dam. I was not a preferred child, so I was raised by others. I am not a hunter, not like Hwa, and rafrezzi can only be hunters or companions, not gerus. I don't want to be that.

  So what is it you want, Roo?

  I want to take care of my pack. I want to have pups. I want to do amazing things and learn everything I can. I want to teach. I don't mind hunting, but it isn't the passion to me that it is to most grauori.

  Sal nodded. Not everyone wanted to be a soldier. Not everyone wanted to be a mother. Sal was one of the later, and Roo one of the former. Our mission will force us to hunt. We will not make you hunt for us, nor even with us, but I thought you should know.

  I do, Sal. I don't mind hunting with my friends, I just want to do other things, too. The little female glanced down at her waist when she spoke, and somehow Sal knew.

  You're pregnant, aren't you.

  Roo glanced up at her quickly, her drooping head and ears showing the extent of her fears. Please, Kaisae. Please don't say anything? I haven't told Hwa yet. That's why I wanted to leave so bad.

  It isn't my place, Roo, Sal assured the little bitch. It just makes me worried that you've chosen to come with us. How long will it be?

  Not for months. I'm not even sure yet and don't be worried. We grauori can hunt until about the last week. Not like humans who swell so large. I have months and months before I even have to worry about telling Hwa.

  Will you tell me if you need anything? Even if you don't tell Hwa, will you let me help you? After hearing what you've said, I understand why you want to come with us, but I can't imagine it. Roo, I'm not the type to want kids.

  I promise, Kaisae. And if you let me, I'll have enough pups for both of us.

  Something about Roo's words made Sal smile, and she looked over for Jase. I may take you up on that, little one, she said.

  Their conversation moved to safer topics, such as what each species could eat. Having Roo around was nice in a way Sal hadn't realized she needed. While she loved her brothers, they would never understand things that Roo grasped instinctually. Like Jase.

  When the night air began to grow cold, Sal made her excuses and went to find her partner. They still had things to finish d
iscussing. Adding the two new members to their pack made it even more important that she understood what was going on in his mind. She found him in their tent, laying blankets on the floor. Slipping in beside him, she sat in the middle of what would be the bed.

  "Still avoiding me?" she asked.

  "Yeh, a bit," he admitted, smiling at her shyly before dropping to sit beside her. "Ya make me confused, kitten."

  "Why?"

  "I'm na mad about na havin' kids. It's na that. It's that I do na know what ta do ta make ya love me. I do na know how ta prove I am good 'nough." He shrugged. "I do na know how ta be like LT."

  "I don't want you to be like Blaec. Why would you even think that?"

  He looked up, into her eyes. "Ya love him. I am just yer partner. I need ya, though, so I keep trying ta be happy with what I have, ya know?"

  She looked out the open door of the tent, unable to withstand the intensity of his gaze. "I haven't really been very fair to you, have I?"

  "Sal," he said softly, reaching up to smooth her hair back. "Ya have been good ta me. We're both a bit of a mess with this stuff. I should na have said a thing."

  "It's just..." she took a deep breath. "He doesn't scare me, Jase. You do."

  "I would na hurt ya, kitten."

  She turned, seeing his hands clenched tightly in his lap, his body tense. Slowly her eyes made their way up until she met his again. "Not physically."

  "What are ya saying, Sal?"

  "Blaec can make me angry, he can make me sad, but he can't really hurt me. He can't do anything to me that hasn't been done before."

  "And me?"

  "I never really understood why they said love comes from the heart, you know? But I feel this thing, here," she touched her chest, just below her throat. "When I think of you, that's where I feel it. If you ever got tired of me, or betrayed me..." She flicked her ears against her skull to prevent them from hanging any lower on her head. "It feels like you could rip my lungs from my body, sometimes."

  "Sal," he said again, but she shook her head.

  "He can't hurt me, Jase. You could. It's hard to give you that power over me."